Last Time Tears Fell From My Eye

[Originally posted 9-20-11]

 

Attorneys have a reputation for being cold, callous, and arrogant but I've been very fortunate to come across good people through my time. However, I've personally met a few lawyers who perpetuate those aforementioned stereotypes.

During my first year in law school, I clerked at the local public defender's office. I was mainly assigned to assist attorneys in the aggravated crimes division. One of  my duties consisted of gathering and summarizing vasts amounts of information and composing the collected data into a notebook which the attorney would use for his case.   I would sift through hundreds of documents like police reports, witness accounts collected from the office's investigators and my own efforts, crime scene and evidence photos, etc.. Since I got this information first, I would know more about the case than the attorney did. Normally, one project would take 6-7 hours to complete. In one particular homicide case, I spent a total of three days completing the task. I was so happy to be done because I completed it before my last day at the office. I was very proud, too, because I felt it was my best job. I didn't get to meet all the attorneys I made these notebooks for. I mostly worked with paralegals who taught me how to do these kinds of things. I was surprised how much of the law and the nuances of the criminal justice system these paralegals knew. It's really people behind the scenes that hold everything together. I didn't do much "lawyer work" such as writing motions or legal research. I did it a few times before I was assigned to this particular division. I didn't mind at all because this unit needed some support which I was eager to help. The paralegals were gracious I was there and my supervisor also appreciated my help.

So like I mentioned, it was my last day. There was only one paralegal and me present but she left early for her prenatal exam with her doctor. Before she left, she asked me to make copies for her in a case she was working on. I was in the supply room making copies and an attorney walked in. I introduced myself and he did as well. After some small talk, he saw me feeding the documents into the copier and asked me a question I still remember to this day, "Have you been doing anything meaningful besides copying?"At first, it took me a little by surprise. I didn't understand the meaning of that word , 'meaningful.' About two seconds passed before I  informed him of the work I was doing. He then said, "You're trying to be a lawyer and you're just doing that?" He rolled his eyes and  walked back to his office. At that moment, I didn't know what to think. The room felt quiet even with a machine spitting out paper next to me. I went back to the paralegal room and sat in my cubicle just staring at the computer screen which was as blank as my face. I was thinking about all the weeks I've been there. Me being the only clerk they've had in years. All the times waking up 5:30 in the morning and arriving back home 6 in the evening. My Friday nights being shot because all I wanted to do was rest. The more I thought, the more saturated my eyes became until a trail of tears came streaming down my cheek. I quickly gathered myself because I didn't want anyone to see me like this. Before I left, I logged into my computer to check all my documents were saved. I opened my last file, the one that took me three days to complete, and I saw the name of the the attorney who was going to handle the case. It was the same attorney who asked if I did anything meaningful.

I packed up my stuff and went to my supervisor's office to say bye. I thanked her for this opportunity and she was very grateful too. She told me to keep in touch because she'd like me to work there in the future. I never told her what happened. I just like to keep those things to myself. I'm actually glad I went through that experience. It motivated me through law school and still pushes me. I know one day I'll look back and see how far I've come. Got to keep on.